2020 Jokes

Aviation Trivia, Jokes & Humour

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vanjast
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by vanjast » Fri Sep 11, 2020 9:32 pm

Ugly Duckling wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 9:09 pm
vanjast wrote:
Fri Sep 11, 2020 8:27 pm
Image
That's why the pass mark should be 80%
That's Wacist.. :lol:
25% it is..... =D> =D> =D>
:wink:
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Bell 407 » Sun Sep 20, 2020 11:51 am

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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Ugly Duckling » Sun Sep 20, 2020 2:20 pm

:lol:
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by V5 - LEO » Thu Sep 24, 2020 9:39 am

....braaidag
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Skymaster » Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:11 pm

It is reported that Joe Biden arrived at the US Arctic station unannounced. When asked what he was doing there he said, "Michelle Obama said we must all go to the poles - so here I am."
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Whirly » Mon Oct 05, 2020 6:47 pm

Here is Joe at his best! #-o

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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Whirly » Mon Oct 05, 2020 6:48 pm

One for Trump! :twisted:

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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Carl von Ludwig » Thu Oct 08, 2020 6:27 pm

Useful Aviation Terms

AIRSPEED – Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.)

BANK – The folks who hold the lien on most pilots’ cars.

CARBURETOR ICING – A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.

CONE OF CONFUSION – An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach fix at an airport.

DEAD RECKONING – You reckon correctly, or you are.

DESTINATION – Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot’s bladder saturation point.

ENGINE FAILURE – A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.

FIREWALL – Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.

FLIGHT FOLLOWING – Formation flying.

GLIDE DISTANCE – Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

HOBBS – An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.

HYDROPLANE – An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.

LEAN MIXTURE – Nonalcoholic beer.

MINI MAG LITE – Device designed to support the AA battery industry.

NANOSECOND – Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing.

PARASITIC DRAG – A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

RICH MIXTURE – What you order at another pilot’s promotion party.

ROGER – Used when you’re not sure what else to say.

SECTIONAL CHART – Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.

SERVICE CEILING – Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.

SPOILERS – FAA Inspectors.

STALL – Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.

STEEP BANKS – Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest

TURN & BANK INDICATOR – An instrument largely ignored by pilots.

USEFUL LOAD – Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.

WAC CHART – Directions to the Army female barracks.

YANKEE – Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to “Say again”.
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Ugly Duckling » Sat Oct 10, 2020 6:57 pm

:D
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by GRAHAMW » Sun Oct 11, 2020 11:40 am

121244594_1022199764889438_473663078827246452_n(1).jpg
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by SNIPER » Sun Oct 18, 2020 7:40 pm

:shock:
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by MadMacs » Thu Oct 22, 2020 6:59 am

TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

CHOP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity and ends up as storage space for all the tools that you're too tired to put away.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". aka "Vrystaat Vernier", Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.

Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool
I'm not old, I'm 18 with 47 years of experience :D
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Deanw » Wed Oct 28, 2020 5:11 pm

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young lady.

The young lady proposes, “If each of you will give me R10.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young lady, all pull ten buck out of their wallet.

And then the lady pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says,

“If each of you gentlemen will give me R100.00, I’ll show you my thighs,” and men being what they are, they all pull out a R100 note.

The lady pulls up her dress all the way to show her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, all a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young lady says,

“If you will give me R500, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over R500.

The lady then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance….

That’s the hospital where I had it done!”
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Ugly Duckling » Wed Oct 28, 2020 7:07 pm

Deanw wrote:
Wed Oct 28, 2020 5:11 pm
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young lady.

The young lady proposes, “If each of you will give me R10.00, I will show you my legs.”

The men, charmed by this young lady, all pull ten buck out of their wallet.

And then the lady pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says,

“If each of you gentlemen will give me R100.00, I’ll show you my thighs,” and men being what they are, they all pull out a R100 note.

The lady pulls up her dress all the way to show her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, all a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young lady says,

“If you will give me R500, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

All three fork over R500.

The lady then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance….

That’s the hospital where I had it done!”
Smart girl =P~
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Re: 2020 Jokes

Unread post by Ugly Duckling » Wed Oct 28, 2020 7:57 pm

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in!!.
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